I have a problem and I need your help. For the most part, I love my gym. It's full of cute little old men with names like "Mel" who chat with me and pick my sweatshirt up off the floor for me so it doesn't get all dirty. All the cardio equipment comes complete with personal televisions. (And let me tell you, it's much easier for me to force myself to sweat for 45 minutes 5 days a week if I can do it while watching America's Next Top Model. Wait, did I say that out loud?). Plus, I just give them my member number to get in, so I don't have to manage to actually bring a membership card with me. Do you know how many times I lost my Bally's card when I lived in DC? Well, neither do I, actually, but I'm pretty sure it was more than 3 and fewer than 10.
But there is this guy there that is just grossing me out and I don't know what to do about it.
So, let's call this dude the Sweater, because, well, he sweats more than I've ever seen any other human being sweat in my life. The Sweater works out for LONG periods of time. We're talking a couple hours on the bike at a go. (Why he doesn't just ride his bike outside if he has that long to dedicate to it is beyond me). And, as I said, the Sweater sweats. Copiously. Now, I'm not especially easily grossed out by stuff like this. I mean everybody sweats. (Isn't that the name of a book or something? Perhaps a sequel to Everybody Poops? If it's not, it totally should be).
But this goes beyond his shirt being soaked through (which it is) and all the way to puddles on the floor. You heard me right -- PUDDLES of sweat on the floor surrounding his bike. You almost need rainboots to walk around after he's been on the bike. Now, if the Sweater gets to the gym before me, this is not that big of a deal. I just pick a bike or elliptical that's far, far away from him. The problem arises when I am there first and then he comes and sits down next to me. Because did I mention that the PUDDLES of sweat really, really gross me out? Plus (and this is even grosser), if he sits next to me there is the imminent danger of sweat SPLASH. This is not just some irrational fear - it's actually HAPPENED to me! Eww, eww, and more eww.
So here is my gym etiquette question: If the Sweater takes the bike next to mine, is it rude for me to get up and move? Even if it is rude, is it okay if I do it anyway? And, by the way, shouldn't he be, like, wiping up the puddles of sweat when he's done, so I don't accidentally step in them on my way to the elliptical? Isn't that the polite thing to do? Is that REALLY asking so much?
And don't even get me started on the gym Grunter . . .