Open Letter to Mother Nature at 3am

Dear Mother Nature,

I realize that I spent all day yesterday making fun of the San Francisco weather people as they doomed and gloomed over the HUGE WINTER STORM!!! coming to Northern California. I may even have called them pussies or something similar for being so DRAMATIC over a little rain. So sue me if I said they didn't know anything about winter weather and that if they really wanted something to talk about, they should go live in Minnesota or Maine (or some other cold-weather state that begins with an M) for a while. And I do realize that I laughed the whole way home yesterday, as a light spring-like rain fell on my car and the weather people STILL talked about what an awful storm this was. 2-hour delays at the airport and a couple inches of rain. Big deal.

So, of course, I understand that you had to take some kind of action. You couldn't let me mock you like that with no response. I mean, it would totally wreck your reputation, right?

But, really, are the 80 mile per hours winds rocketing around my house so hard that my BED is shaking really necessary? And did you have to wait until 3am to destroy the caulking job my landlord did on my bedroom window last time we had a hard rain? It would have been easier for me to clean up the gallons of rain that poured in if it had happened at, say, 9pm. When I was still dressed and relatively, you know, AWAKE. And really, I don't know if the cat can take the excitement of ALL THAT WATER dropping down from the sky INSIDE THE HOUSE. It's like drinking directly from the faucet, only a million times better. Her poor little kitty head might explode. Really. Not to mention all that howling and thrashing out there. I've never heard the wind so loud before. The pine trees are bent sideways and I'm pretty sure that at least one or two goats have flown past my window, their little legs kicking frantically, like they're in some demented version of The Wizard of Oz. So really, you've made your point. You are mighty and winter storms in California really can suck. Now can you keep it down out there so I can sleep?